Changing spots

They say that Leopards don't change their spots.

That is certainly true for my Dad's wife.   After her initial push back to my offer to help with Alan, I decided that my straight-forward-pragmatic-nurse approach did not fit with her denial.  So in attempt to soften my approach I toned down my emails, switching to just asking for updates rather than rendering input.  I  stepped back.  I want to be informed but I don't want to intrude.

After G posted a photo of him in a hospital bed on FB a few months ago, I  did say that I would like to know when big things were happening .  Except for my initial visit to Goodsam, I haven't been present for any discussions, nor have I bombarded with texts, calls or emails.

So when he was discharged from rehab and I wasn't included in the discharge conference ( as an observer only- I just want to hear the medical stuff from the medical people) , I saw very clearly that we are back to the Alan-has-no-family-or-obligations-except-to-me-and-mine way of living.  I got an email after the fact saying "Oh sorry I forgot to tell you that he was coming home, I hope you didn't go to M- rehab and find him gone" . Completely passive aggressive.  But I let it go.

Tonight I was IM'ing with A, who is in NYC in college. He said his Mom was coming for parents weekend tomorrow.  Really?   I didn't even get a courtesy notice that she was going to be gone.  And where is Alan? At her mothers.

That to my mind, is seriously fucked up.